Every year, I create a list of reflection questions to help my clients close out the year before they move into the next. The holiday season can be hurried and hectic, so it is a bit of a paradoxical time to do exactly what winter asks us to do – rest and go inward.
Reflection is a vital part of personal development because it’s a skill that requires honesty, self-awareness, and examination. How can we create new visions for our life without considering where we have been? Reflection is a feminine energy and often underused in our get-it-done culture. We all possess feminine energy regardless of gender. It’s the energy of listening, receiving, and embodying. The feminine energy is open to flow – the often internal, subtle cues of co-creating with life – this is where its power lies. And, because of this very subtlety, the feminine can be often overlooked. So, in the spirit of feminine energy, I invite you to pose these questions to yourself and reflect upon your answers.
- What inspired/excited me in 2024?
- How did I grow this year?
- What hardships did I overcome and how did I handle them?
- Where did life flow easily for me?
- What got in my way this year?
- What am I most proud of in 2024?
- If I had one word to describe 2024, what would it be? And, why?
Once you have completed your reflection, you can then use your answers to inform what you want to create for the upcoming year. This is how you develop the skill of being intentional. Resist the temptation to go into the masculine energy – action mode and start goal-setting for 2025 without reflecting on the previous year. Even if you reflect on 2024 in late January of 2025 – it’s okay. One year, I reflected on the previous year in February and did goal-setting in March. It was unusual for me, but that’s just how my year started off. This is an example of feminine energy – not forcing things and also not holding yourself to beliefs or timelines that do not serve you. One final reminder. We all have access and embody both feminine and masculine energy. It’s critical to know when to use them. In this case, reflection first (feminine) and then, goal-setting (masculine), next.
(If you are interested in learning more about reflection, I recommend this HBR article on self-reflection as a competency.)
Happy Holidays Everyone!
I look at life in terms of energy. Einstein said, that “Everything is energy and that’s all there is to it”. Have you ever walked into a room where there are people in it but no one is speaking and felt tension? You don’t know what was said, or what happened, but you can just “feel” the anger. That’s energy. Words have energy and even unexpressed emotions do, too. The energy from the argument vibrates into the room.
Everything in Life is Vibration
Albert Einstein
Einstein stated a vibration or frequency is accompanied with all energy. Everything in the universe has a set frequency point and vibrates at a certain level. The energetic waves of a church bell ringing can vibrate throughout our entire body, the excitement and love at a child’s birthday party can be felt in our heart.
American politics today is at a low frequency point. Low frequencies are things like arguing, jealousy, hatred, judging, unkindness, complaining, righteousness, and win/lose mindsets. High frequency vibrations are things like classical music (it’s been proven), love, gratitude, joy, kindness, creativity, and helping others. It’s hard to imagine a child’s birthday party with a low frequency, isn’t it? There are countless examples of vibrational frequencies in the universe because it’s all energy.
As humans, we are drawn to the frequencies that match our own vibration. Observe the frequency that surrounds you. Challenge yourself to raise your frequency. Figure out where you bring light into the world, participate in those activities, make those choices and your energy will be matched. Steer clear of low vibrational activities like baiting people on social media with your political views, putting others down because your God is the most righteous, believing that your beliefs are superior to others. Use your energy for high vibrational activities – helping others, helping the earth, enjoying nature, yoga, meditating, doing work in the world that is inclusive and generative. Food and news have vibrational energies, too. Choose wisely!
When I sit in sessions with my clients, I am listening and feeling the energy behind what they are saying. Looking for the places where they light up and noticing where they are zapped and drained. I help guide people to their light and higher frequencies. I am constantly inspired by what my clients create in terms of high frequency – yes, even in the corporate world. Their high vibration is palpable when they are solving problems with creative solutions, building new things, and helping people grow. All activities that LIFT UP – raise the vibration. What drains them is the politics – the power struggles, the blame shifting – all the low vibe activities that keep people stuck. No news there.
Match the frequency of the reality you want and you cannot help but get that reality.
Darryl Anka
If you stop participating in low frequency activities you will notice that your life will change. You need not hold shame for the times in the past that you have not made good decisions with how you used your energy — shame is low energy. We are all human – and when we know better we do better.
What is better? To me, it is the commitment to being the highest version of yourself and that version will inevitably be someone who leads a life full of high frequency activities. This is the way forward – one higher vibration at a time.
I was reminded of my promise on this blog to share my personal experiences with change and challenge by two friends who are each going through a life crisis. One has significant career strife and the other, a family health crisis. My empathy for my sweet friends runs deep because I can relate.
The good news is that there are strategies to thrive during a life crisis. Some may recoil at the term crisis. I define crisis as a life event that is emotionally painful, requires extra energy to process, involves change, and the outcome is highly uncertain. Feel free to use other synonyms such as setback, hard-times, difficulty, unraveling, or hardship, but most of us have had something in our life that resembles a crisis.
When my marriage was unraveling while living abroad it took some time to realize that I was in a crisis. Much like my friend who is having career challenges – there was a high degree of uncertainty and stress. In my friend’s situation, her company was bought out and it became clear as things unfolded, the new role was not a fit. This is often the way challenges in life emerge – with an unfolding. A speed bump becomes more than a speed bump. Other times, like my friend who is experiencing a family health crisis – crises can happen quickly. No matter how the crisis enters our lives, at some point, we need to make a choice on how we want to approach the situation.
One of my favorite contemporary Buddhist teachers, poses this powerful question.
“Can we cultivate openness big enough to hold our pain and not collapse into it?”
Sharon salzberg
Often during challenging times, we merge with our pain and it consumes us. I did that for a spell. It’s a big cup of no fun. While it’s important to sit with all emotions (good and bad) – to let them consume us creates chaos. So, I chose to step back and use the witness technique. The witness technique is simply witnessing yourself in a situation – your thoughts, reactions, emotions, and impulses. The best book I have ever read about this practice is Michael A. Singer’s, “Untethered Soul.”
When I began to objectively witness myself throughout the day – it created enough space to separate myself from those tough moments. This trying time was happening to me, yes, but the objectivity of watching myself in it created enough space for me to recognize that I was much more than the crisis. I want to differentiate the witness technique from a bypass. A bypass is ignoring what is going on in our lives and by over-focusing on something else. We can do this with meditation, exercise, or work – all healthy and seemingly productive choices but not so if they are diverting us from reality. The witness technique allows for a both/and perspective. In my case, I was BOTH in pain AND had joy in my life. My marriage was not okay; but I was. I had two healthy delightful children I loved to spend time with and a beautiful new country and her people to explore. This is what creating space means. Space allows a broader perspective. This practice and approach can help during any difficult time in your life.
A benefit to consciously choosing to be a witness in our own process is that it allows us to stay in our power and make intentional choices. This broader perspective or space, allowed me to make decisions from a place of strength and clarity.
What I have just described is foundational. The practice of being the witness to your life opens the door to positive choices to help navigate a tough time. In fact, these choices are good for everyday life, not just during difficulties.
- Take a walk outside. I spend time in nature every day. I have never returned from a walk or a hike in a bad mood – my energy has always shifted to the positive. Nature is a natural regulator for our nervous system.
- Take a walk with a dog. Dogs need to be walked daily and they are joyful while doing it. It’s a Win/Win.
- Take a walk with a dog and a friend. These are my people. Win/Win/Win
- Stay in the Present Moment. I diligently worked at this one. We often create pain and suffering by retelling stories in our head. When difficult conversations or events are replayed in our minds – we create suffering. When I noticed myself replaying an uncomfortable event, I acknowledged the feeling and moved my attention to the present moment. In the present moment, I was okay. Practice is key. Eckhart Tolle is the master of the present moment. His book, “The Power of Now” was transformational for me. He nails it in this quote…
“The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it.
eckhart tolle
- Focus on Gratitude – Gratitude is the highest energetic vibration – right up there with love. So, take a few minutes every day to visualize and feel the things in your life that make your heart sing. I can close my eyes and think about my kids and immediately I feel my heart chakra open. Try it with anyone you love and put your attention on your heart. It also releases dopamine in the brain so you will feel these positive effects in multiple ways.
- Slow the Pace of Your Life – This can be difficult because cultural norms and adult responsibilities are often fixed. The pace of life in Switzerland is slower than the United States. The Swiss work very hard, but they also take periodic breaks and rest. I reduced my work to part-time while abroad to help the kids and family become acclimated to a new school, language, and country. Slowing my life allowed me to fully implement all the tools and practices I use with my coaching clients. So, look for ways to slow your life down when going through a tough time or making any changes. You’ll be better for it.
I hope this framework of being your own witness and practicing mindfulness is helpful. In addition to what I have presented here, you can also work with a qualified professional to support you during a challenging time. My intention here is put forth solutions that we can do on our own that also have a positive impact in our daily lives crisis or not.
If you are going through a challenging time, know you are not alone, and you will get through it. Find the fortitude to make the choice to allow the adversity to shape you — not own you.
He says the best way out is always through.
And I agree to that, or in so far
As I can see no way out but through.
Robert Frost
When I am my own best friend…
There are no bad hair days. The curls of my bed head fall just so. My outfits get a twirl in the mirror and wink of appreciation for my personal expression of style.
“Girl! Come on! I am so AH-MAY-ZING!” I say to myself.
I laugh at my jokes and witty humor. “That’s so silly! I love it!”, I guffaw. I create joy like a little fairy flitting over her precious garden. Just like Miley, I buy myself flowers. I put them in my favorite vase made by one of my favorite friends.
There is no one more kind and understanding than myself when I forget something at home and have to turn back to retrieve it.
People as awesome as me forget things sometimes.
I witness my generosity and kindness to others and beam with pride for my big heart. The hope l feel for the world and her people is a marvel. “We are all connected and can do this together!” I exclaim. I inspire myself with creative ideas, “ I mean, “Wow! WHO thinks of this stuff?”, and then flash my killer smile and flip my luscious hair.
“I do!”, I reply.
I am proud of my work ethic and integrity. My sharp mind can navigate vexing business challenges with the grace of a karate master. I only do for others when I can – not when I should. I make sure my needs are met and forgo obligation only helping with the fullest heart.
I have one glass of wine when dinner calls for it – not two. My body knows that in my 55th year, a second glass brings a headache. After long days when I’m weary, I pass on fast prepared food and cook a simple meal. Ah, just what these gorgeous curves deserve.
I respect myself and don’t second guess my decisions. I inquire, “Does this fill my cup? Is this what my heart wants?”. Life is too short not to listen to my sage advice.
My best friend skills are in the same league as Samwise Gangees from the Shire, Russell the best Junior Wilderness Explorer ever, Judy, Violet, and Doralee (aka Jane, Lily, and Dolly) and my dog Chester all wrapped into one human form that is me, myself and I.
Aren’t we all fantastic?
I spend time with those who feed my soul. In the evening, I set out for a stroll to visit my friend, Water. She calms my senses with the rhythmic sound of her waves washing ashore. On the way home, I opt for the path through the forest to see my friend, Tree. I tell them both how grateful I am to have them in my life. Friends should know how much you love them.
I love my best friend.
Hi Everyone!
I appreciated all of your insights on my personal power writing last month. I love to learn from others’ life experiences. Life is so rich when we share our insights with one another.
As I continue on my journey to create this current version of myself, I am struck by how important it is that we help one another with what we have learned along the way.
Joseph Campbell, the American writer and professor who studied myths throughout time, coined the term the monomyth. It means there is one narrative within every story throughout all civilizations. Campbell studied thousands of myths and legends to discover that there is a central hero in each adventure who follows a familiar pattern. From Jesus, to Persephone, to Luke Skywalker, we are all the heroes of our own life.
When we think of our life as an adventure and ourselves as the hero in it, it shifts our perspective and creates a sense of wonder. It also gives us permission to follow our instincts and take risks. It is true that we all have responsibilities and cannot take off to sail around the world at a moment’s notice – or can we? We can say YES to more than we think we can. If we have the goal of becoming the best versions of ourselves, we can be adventurers – even without a big life transition to navigate.
As the heroes of our own life, we do not give up or regress when faced with adversity. Instead, we face the challenge, overcome and learn from it. When we expect more for ourselves and from ourselves it takes us out of our comfort zone. The comfort zone is our ego’s domain. Whereas our soul is always calling upon us to grow. The hero’s journey can take place on a battlefield or in an office cubicle. Becoming a parent is an example of a journey. It’s such an important role, and, after time, the demands of that role wane and we need to embark on a new path.
I mentioned at the beginning of this piece that it is important to help one another. In the third stage of Campbell’s monomyth, the hero returns from her journey she must share what she has learned with her community. This is what elders do. In today’s society, we need more elders. In civilizations throughout time, the wise elder played an important role as the custodians and holders of sacred knowledge. They helped others by guiding and bridging the past, present and future. We all have access to our inner elder regardless of age. Michael Meade calls the first half of life, “Survival Mode” and says that we must take what we learned in survival mode and teach others. If we have learned important life lessons or have specific skills that we are passionate about – we must pass them along. We must not choose idleness.
I have learned so many things about how to take care of myself during a challenging time. How to let adversity shape me, but not own me. I look forward to sharing so much more. I invite you all to to say “yes” to more journeys and to help others with what you have learned. Until next time!
Learn to get in touch with the silence within yourself, and know that everything in life has purpose. There are no mistakes, no coincidences, all events are blessings given to us to learn from.
— Elizabeth Kübler-Ross
Blessings and light,
Ellen
Hello Everyone!
Happy Spring! I was humbled by the responses I received from my last writing. It was a good reminder of how much community I have in my life – it just takes reaching out!
I love the vernal equinox – there are signs of life emerging from birds singing to shrubs and trees budding. As nature undergoes one of her biggest transformations, I have been thinking about the concept of personal power which is vital during times of transformation. It’s a term that we’ve all likely heard. Albeit an abstract one. If I asked a group of people what personal power means, there would be multiple definitions. Power is such a meta term, isn’t it? Everywhere and in everything.
My definition of personal power has formed over time through a lot of personal trial and error. I’m going to differentiate some common ways I think about personal power to get started because the topic of power is so interwoven into life. Personal power differs from external power. External power is found outside of us — in the collective within societal systems and structures. Examples of external power are patriarchies, religion, wealth, the rule of law, and in the USA in particular, the gun lobby and celebrity. These systems and groups of people in the environment have enough power to make what they want happen at a large scale. Usually, it’s ego driven or not a power that is connected to the greater good or even the heart for that matter.
There’s personal power in the workplace. The expert has personal power. As does the influencer who has referent power due to sharp interpersonal skills. Those are useful types of power that can be learned. I’m talking about our inner personal power. Something we all have and just need to pay attention to…
Inner personal power is individual and pure. It’s something we all have and it comes from within. Inner personal power in action is our agency and advocacy for Self, with a capital “S”. Personal inner power is also a stance: I am myself without compromise.
Personal inner power is also a stance: I am myself without compromise.
One way is when we follow our inner knowing or intuition. Einstein called intuition sacred and said it was our 6th sense. Steve Jobs said intuition was a higher form of intelligence – higher than intellect. Both of these smart dudes got it right! It has been proven that there is no rational thought when using our intuition. There is no mental process. It comes from your gut and is instantaneous – often described as felt sense. The source of intuition is beautiful and unique to each of us because it comes from our spirit or soul. When we act upon our intuition, we are using our personal power. Intuition can be something as simple as the flash of an idea to add a different spice to a dish that is not in the recipe and it turns out to be delicious. Intuition can tell us what not to do either – there are stories of people canceling travel due to a gut feeling and then being saved from a potential tragedy. I’m sure you all have your own stories of when you used your gift of intuition.
There are two ways we use our inner personal power. One is intuition and the other is instinct.
There is another way we use our inner personal power. It’s when we use our instincts (a mental function) to make a decision or choice. Often with instincts we are quickly relying on data to make decisions. Humans make an average of 35,000 decisions a day. Many of these are quick instinctual decisions that require some brain function, but not a whole lot. Like what we want to eat for dinner or whether or what program we stream. When we stick with our initial instinct or what we know is right for us, we are in our personal power. I’ll give an example of inner personal power that a friend recently shared with me. (Name changed to protect the innocent.)
“Carol” recently celebrated her birthday which fell mid-week. She had various plans throughout the weekend to celebrate with family and friends. But, Carol’s mother didn’t want to wait. She wanted to see Carol on Carol’s birthday! So she asked Carol to take her to church on the morning of her birthday. This would require Carol to get up very early to pick up her mom, take her to church, drop her off and then get herself to work before 8:30am – all on her birthday! Carol said her first response was “Heck no. I don’t want to do that!” Then, as Carol retold me the story, she shared her line of reasoning on the journey from knowing her answer was no to sitting in church with her mom. Keep in mind, while she was telling me the story, I was listening to Carol’s certainty of how she didn’t want to take her mom but then how she talked herself out of doing what she wanted to do – and on her birthday no less! She said things like, I was annoyed because I knew my mom was trying to guilt me into getting her way to see me on my birthday. But, then I felt guilty for thinking that and I realized my Mom is just trying to help me be a good Christian. It went on and on until finally I said, “Did you do anything you wanted to do on your birthday? And, she laughed and winced simultaneously and replied, “As a matter of fact, I didn’t.”
Carol’s example is one of not using our inner personal power. She knew what she wanted to do, but she talked herself out of it. I know I have been in Carol’s shoes before. I have found when I second guess myself by either not following my intuition or listening to my instinct, I am squandering my inner personal power.
The consequences of doing so are steep. When we give away our personal power, we begin to lose our connection to ourselves. If we allow this to happen repeatedly, our intuitive voice begins to dim and the clarity of our instinct becomes muted. We begin to live in a state where we don’t really know what we want because we no longer listening to our own answers and ultimately, ourselves.
In periods of transition, it can be scary because often we do not know what the outcome will be. We may have a plan, but plans need to be flexible. The very nature of change is that we are embracing something new – venturing into the lush forest of the unknown.
Intuition and instinct both come rather quickly. If you find yourself hemming and hawing and then talking yourself out of what you want – ask yourself, am I trying to please others? What is it I truly want? Why am I trying to convince myself otherwise? Begin to notice as you go through your day how you use your inner power or give it away. Lean on someone you really trust and ask them to listen to your process as you make some of these choices in your change. Ask them if they can hear you talking yourself out of what you really want or coming from a place of fear and allowing that fear to drive your decision. You got this.
Be yourself – without compromise!
Blessings and Light,
Ellen
It’s been awhile since I have reached out. It’s been a busy time resettling in the USA after over four years in Europe. It has been a true homecoming to be reunited with people I love.
A YEAR OF BIG CHANGE
2024 is a year of big change. I am returning to full-time work in my field of Organization Development. I have been consulting and coaching to organizations for for almost twenty years and genuinely love working with people and systems to help them reach their full potential. I am grateful for my work and the outstanding leaders I work with.
My biggest creative project for the year will be taking steps to design a new life for myself. After 17 years of marriage, my husband and I will separate and focus on co-parenting our boys. A lot of time and effort has been put into this big decision. I am sincerely grateful for all the beauty that we have created together. I am also excited to create something new for myself while still giving my all to my most important roles — Mom and Working Professional.
TRANSITIONS
Transitions can be planned or forced upon us. And, while each transition is unique to the individual and the circumstances of their life, there are guiding principles, habits, and perspectives that are helpful to navigating them. Given my propensity for change and commitment to personal growth – I’m no stranger to these liminal spaces. I will be learning as I go as well as drawing upon the inner-wealth I have cultivated.
I considered hunkering down through this rebirth process to produce something to help others on their journey when I came out the other side of mine. But, that felt hermetic and too safe. Instead, I will share as I move through the process to create what I want for myself, at this stage of my life, real-time – while it’s happening.
AN INVITATION
Whether you are going through the process of ending a relationship or a job, or perhaps your children are off to college and beyond, or you are wondering what’s next and you want to pursue a life that has more joy and less fear – whatever transition you are stepping into – I invite you to join me on my journey as you travel along yours.
If you do join me, and I hope you do, here are some clarifications to be helpful.
- Options to follow along: I’ll send emails via my email list (this is how this email got to you) and also post on my Instagram a link to my website where my short essays will reside. I ask that you share this email with anyone you think would benefit.
- Sporadic and few emails: The frequency of the emails will be few and sporadic. When I want to share, I will. Today, when I join newsletters of people who interest or inspire me, I almost as quickly unsubscribe because the volume of emails is too much for me to absorb. I won’t flood your Inbox.
- What I won’t share: It’s human nature to be curious about what happens to others’ relationships when they end. I won’t share those details out of respect for our family.
- What I will share: My essays will include personal and practical information that will have universal underpinnings we can all relate to. Examples could be:
- How we can all partner with a loving universe to co-create from our heart not our fears
- Insights about relationships and their constant cycle of death and rebirth including the relationship we have with Self
- How acceptance is courageous and can yield peace and possibility
- How to use the symbols and archetypes in our everyday life to transcend challenges and align with our soul’s purpose
- My Hope: Is that through sharing my experiences in creating what I want for myself in this next chapter, that there is something ignited, reflected, touched within you that helps you on your journey.
I’ll leave you with one of my favorite quotes about change.
It’s not so much that we’re afraid of change, or so in love with the old ways, but it’s that place in between we fear…it’s like being in between trapezes.
M. Ferguson
I look forward to you joining me on the trapeze!
Blessings and light,
Ellen
Our family of four humans and three animals returned to the USA in August after four years in Zurich, Switzerland. Repatriating to my home country has been more complex than I imagined. In truth, I didn’t imagine any complexity. I’m American, how hard can it be? So, when we learned my husband’s job was relocating to the USA, I leaned in with my “up for anything” approach to life. Though, the definition of ‘up for anything’ has changed considerably with age…bungee jumping and canyoning have been taken off the bucket list.
Being adventurous is obviously fun and exciting. And, uncomfortable. That’s the paradox of change – it’s both difficult and exhilarating. Being in situations that are new deepens empathy – it’s a fact. My foreigner status allows me to connect to how hard it must be for others. I also feel gratitude because my situation as an expat on my husband’s work visa was much easier than the Ukrainian refugees I met in Switzerland.
Many of my expat friends with more countries and years under their belt forewarned me that the transition home is tough. It feels like the rug has been pulled out from under my feet. With a twelve-hour flight, my old life is gone and it feels abrupt and surreal. All the routines, cultural norms, and ways of life – that were so different four years ago – that I adapted to and thrived in disappeared almost instantly.
I didn’t drive a lot in Switzerland. I often walked to the grocery store. My kids took public transportation to school and sport. Of course, I am aware that parents are their children’s chauffeurs in much of the USA. I was one myself just four years ago. But, I grew to love taking public transportation over driving.
The variety of food and the size of grocery stores in the US is overwhelming. I have now taken to ordering groceries online because it’s easier for me to sift through the items that way rather than walk up and down the aisles. There’s an entire aisle dedicated to hard seltzer with alcohol. I haven’t even heard of hard seltzer alcohol. I’ll save going to Costco for 2024 because if I do go, I think I’ll faint.
Ordering anything online in Switzerland was rare; there’s no Amazon.ch. And, I liked it. I quickly realized we didn’t need all that stuff, most were just impulse buys that could be easily solved by a workaround or going without. Our household belongings are currently in a container somewhere on the Atlantic Ocean, and with school starting for our boys, I’ve ordered from Amazon almost every other day. While it’s easy and time-saving, it doesn’t feel like me.
There are a lot of pros and cons to living in both countries. My discomfort isn’t a tally about which country is better. It’s more the sense of loss for the life I adapted to and grew to love. A cardinal rule of expat life is not to expect your host country to be the same as the country you left. In our four years in Switzerland, we met people who would flame out. They just couldn’t adapt to the change and would leave. I don’t expect the USA to be like Switzerland – but I do miss my old life.
In the field of change management, where the rubber meets the road is when people have to actually “DO” the work differently. That’s where change efforts live or die. If I go to work on Monday and how I start my day is different, the tools I used before are now gone and I’m supposed to use new tools, tools that I’m not that familiar with or my team is new, WOW, that’s hard. Ever switched from a PC to a Mac? My “personal workflow” has changed and I’m feeling the loss.
A little voice in my head asks periodically, “Why can’t you just be grateful you lived in Europe for four years?” Well, little voice, pipe down, I am. Gratitude isn’t a bypass for the hard bits in life. In fact, being able to feel gratitude when things are rough – no matter how relative – is the true gift of gratitude.
Every challenge forces us to discover a new path. I’m on a new path and it’s an opportunity to be more compassionate to myself and others. And, ultimately, increase my humanity. Besides, it won’t be long until I’m ready for the next adventure!
It’s that time of year. To reflect on the year behind us and to set our intentions for the upcoming year. Reflecting upon what we have learned makes us deeper, and richer, and expands our consciousness. This is all part of our growth as humans and as American novelist William S. Burroughs said, “When you stop growing you start dying”.
It is true. We are in constant cycles of death and rebirth in our lives. Think about your relationship with your work – it’s constantly evolving. Changes are always occurring with different problems to solve, applying our skills in different ways, developing new skills, or interpersonal relationships that stretch us. Our relationships with our loved ones are constantly evolving, too. As we have all experienced, there is always ample opportunity to improve communication! Ways that have worked before – no longer do and we must find new ways.
I like to begin every year by creating a theme or intention my year will be about and then reflecting on that word at the end of the year. I look at my journal and ask, “Did my year match the theme?” Often the answer is “Nope”! It is a good reminder that there is so much in this life that is out of our hands and that we truly have no control over it.
My theme for 2022 was “Connection”. Yet, upon reflection, it was quite an emotionally lonely year for me. 2022 had me dealing with some core aspects of my life that needed change and they were overdue for a change, so some aspects actually needed to die. I realized though all the loneliness, I found a deeper connection to myself. So, it truly was a year of connection, but definitely not in the way that I had envisioned. While the loneliness was very difficult at times, I’m much stronger and committed to myself and my happiness.
Here are three questions that I am using this year, including my annual theme question.
- Looking back on the last 12 months, did my year have a theme or emphasis in a particular area? How and Why?
- What did I learn this year?
- What am I most proud of?
- In what areas of my life (work and personal) did I have to let go or say, “I just don’t know”?
I have never regretted the time I have taken to reflect upon my life. These exercises have made enriched my life and so I encourage you all to go somewhere quiet and take time to wrap up 2022. You deserve it.
“For all that has been, I thank you.” For all that is to come, Yes!”
Dag Hammarskjold
I hope this post finds everyone rested and well after summer. For my friends in the Southern Hemisphere – spring is coming!
I am writing to give you an update. Four years ago this month, I launched Live Your Jam with a mission to help more people lead fulfilling lives. I am still as passionate about the mission today as I was in 2018. I was inspired to help more people — not just those in organizations. My plan was to scale Live Your Jam by holding workshops, and selling content, and services to have a broader impact. For four years, I didn’t sell any services or hold any workshops. That’s quite a track record. Clearly, not my Jam!
In the past three years, I’ve slowed the pace of my work and personal life – mostly due to our family’s move to Europe. The change has allowed me to experiment with what fulfills me and also become more mindful of how I spend my time.
I now work part-time in my consulting and coaching practice. The “extra” time I have is spent in nature, writing, and cooking. These restorative outlets feed my soul and give me more energy and focus, which has improved the quality of my work in helping leaders and their teams.
The integration of working less with other creative pursuits has been profoundly insightful. My ego has tried to sabotage my fulfillment with zingers like, “Are you living up to your potential?” or “Are you playing life ‘small’?” Luckily, I know that the thoughts in my head – are just thoughts and my mind’s attempt to keep me away from my whole Self. To be fair, I do think that there are times when we need to challenge ourselves and step into our full potential – as well as times when we keep ourselves small out of fear. In my case, I am happy with this change for now. So, I continue to notice these self-sabotaging thoughts and then let them go.
This leads me to share that my Live Your Jam website will be a home for my writing. I’m going to give myself permission to write whatever I want. In the past, I have written with the intention to provide people with tools and actionable steps – things that have worked for me or I have learned via my amazing clients. Because I’m so passionate about living a life where we each use our unique gifts – it’s safe to say Jam themes will remain dominant. I will send out digests of my writing periodically through this email list for you to peruse or not! Feel free to stay on the list if the change sounds appealing or you can unsubscribe at any time.
Fulfillment is a personal journey that is ironically found in each moment. I wish you all many moments of Jam.
Blessings and light,
Ellen