I was reminded of my promise on this blog to share my personal experiences with change and challenge by two friends who are each going through a life crisis. One has significant career strife and the other, a family health crisis. My empathy for my sweet friends runs deep because I can relate.

The good news is that there are strategies to thrive during a life crisis. Some may recoil at the term crisis. I define crisis as a life event that is emotionally painful, requires extra energy to process, involves change, and the outcome is highly uncertain. Feel free to use other synonyms such as setback, hard-times, difficulty, unraveling, or hardship, but most of us have had something in our life that resembles a crisis. 

When my marriage was unraveling while living abroad it took some time to realize that I was in a crisis. Much like my friend who is having career challenges – there was a high degree of uncertainty and stress. In my friend’s situation, her company was bought out and it became clear as things unfolded, the new role was not a fit. This is often the way challenges in life emerge – with an unfolding. A speed bump becomes more than a speed bump. Other times, like my friend who is experiencing a family health crisis – crises can happen quickly. No matter how the crisis enters our lives, at some point, we need to make a choice on how we want to approach the situation.

One of my favorite contemporary Buddhist teachers, poses this powerful question.

Often during challenging times, we merge with our pain and it consumes us. I did that for a spell. It’s a big cup of no fun. While it’s important to sit with all emotions (good and bad) – to let them consume us creates chaos. So, I chose to step back and use the witness technique. The witness technique is simply witnessing yourself in a situation – your thoughts, reactions, emotions, and impulses. The best book I have ever read about this practice is Michael A. Singer’s, “Untethered Soul.” 

When I began to objectively witness myself throughout the day – it created enough space to separate myself from those tough moments. This trying time was happening to me, yes, but the objectivity of watching myself in it created enough space for me to recognize that I was much more than the crisis. I want to differentiate the witness technique from a bypass. A bypass is ignoring what is going on in our lives and by over-focusing on something else. We can do this with meditation, exercise, or work – all healthy and seemingly productive choices but not so if they are diverting us from reality. The witness technique allows for a both/and perspective. In my case, I was BOTH in pain AND had joy in my life. My marriage was not okay; but I was. I had two healthy delightful children I loved to spend time with and a beautiful new country and her people to explore. This is what creating space means. Space allows a broader perspective. This practice and approach can help during any difficult time in your life.

A benefit to consciously choosing to be a witness in our own process is that it allows us to stay in our power and make intentional choices. This broader perspective or space, allowed me to make decisions from a place of strength and clarity. 

What I have just described is foundational. The practice of being the witness to your life opens the door to positive choices to help navigate a tough time. In fact, these choices are good for everyday life, not just during difficulties.

1. Take a walk outside. I spend time in nature every day. I have never returned from a walk or a hike in a bad mood – my energy has always shifted to the positive. Nature is a natural regulator for our nervous system. 
2. Take a walk with a dog. Dogs need to be walked daily and they are joyful while doing it. It’s a Win/Win. 
3. Take a walk with a dog and a friend. These are my people. Win/Win/Win
4. Stay in the Present Moment. I diligently worked at this one. We often create pain and suffering by retelling stories in our head. When difficult conversations or events are replayed in our minds – we create suffering. When I noticed myself replaying an uncomfortable event, I acknowledged the feeling and moved my attention to the present moment. In the present moment, I was okay. Practice is key. Eckhart Tolle is the master of the present moment. His book, “The Power of Now” was transformational for me. He nails it in this quote…

5. Focus on Gratitude – Gratitude is the highest energetic vibration – right up there with love. So, take a few minutes every day to visualize and feel the things in your life that make your heart sing. I can close my eyes and think about my kids and immediately I feel my heart chakra open. Try it with anyone you love and put your attention on your heart. It also releases dopamine in the brain so you will feel these positive effects in multiple ways.
6. Slow the Pace of Your Life  – This can be difficult because cultural norms and adult responsibilities are often fixed. The pace of life in Switzerland is slower than the United States. The Swiss work very hard, but they also take periodic breaks and rest. I reduced my work to part-time while abroad to help the kids and family become acclimated to a new school, language, and country. Slowing my life allowed me to fully implement all the tools and practices I use with my coaching clients. So, look for ways to slow your life down when going through a tough time or making any changes. You’ll be better for it.

I hope this framework of being your own witness and practicing mindfulness is helpful. In addition to what I have presented here, you can also work with a qualified professional to support you during a challenging time. My intention here is put forth solutions that we can do on our own that also have a positive impact in our daily lives crisis or not.

If you are going through a challenging time, know you are not alone, and you will get through it. Find the fortitude to make the choice to allow the adversity to shape you — not own you.